Allies
by Crowlows19
Summary: Superman is the only one to ever understand Batman's quirks. One-Shot.


"Have you heard from Batman lately?"

Superman turned his head to acknowledge that he had heard Wonder Woman's question but didn't answer. This was the fifth consecutive meeting that Batman had missed and while no one was surprised they were worried. It was rare for him to be late unless he was trying to make a point but to not show up outright was out of character.

After all, if Batman had an opportunity to tell them what they were doing wrong, he almost always took it. Superman had no idea where he was or why he was not answering his communicator. He had even tried to call the man's personal cell phone which had been ignored. Every attempt to contact him had failed.

The media in Gotham was still reporting on his actions which meant he wasn't dead. J'onn had also managed to find a police report that indicated that Batman had been at a crime scene just last night. However, the man was being stubborn and Superman was certain that nothing short of an apocalypse would shake him out of whatever mood he was currently in.

Green Lantern raised his eyebrows at him so Superman sighed and answered.

"No, I haven't."

"What's he doing?" Flash asked. "The Gotham Gazette said he put nineteen cops in the hospital."

"That was Joker," J'onn corrected. "The Batman derailed the monorail."

"Whatever," Flash replied, shrugging his shoulder.

"Regardless of what Batman is or is not doing," Superman interrupted. "We have other things to talk about."

And so the meeting went on but Superman barely paid attention. He was extremely distracted from the second minute or so. It wasn't because he was worried or caught in thought. It was because his cell phone kept going off. Superman-like several others in the League-had three different ways to be contacted.

There was his League communicator. There was the cell phone he used for superhero contacts. And then there was his personal cell phone. It was the second that kept going off. Superman eventually had to turn it to vibrate after Wonder Woman glared at him.

"I think Congress is just trying to let people know they're protected," Green Lantern was saying concerning a new superhero registration bill that had made its way to the House floor.

_Wrong_.

Superman resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

He knew immediately that it was Batman who was sending the texts despite the fact that they weren't coming from the usual number. Apparently the man had decided not to come to the meeting but had decided to listen in. And whenever Batman listened in on something he would eventually find the need to comment. These comments were normally internalized but lately he had taken to voicing them to Superman.

_Where are you?_ he asked. He actually looked around the room to make sure Batman wasn't hiding in the corners or hanging from the ceiling.

_You can stop looking around. I'm not there._

Superman glared at his phone completely missing the strange look Flash gave him. The entire table was aware that he was no longer paying attention to the meeting but they were all perfectly aware that it was most likely the Batman he was talking to.

_Then where are you? I've been trying to get in contact with you. There's something important you need to know_.

"So what do you think we should do with those dimension travellers?" Wonder Woman asked. "There's only so long they can stay with the Titans."

"I heard that Red Robin threw that Kaldur kid out a window," Green Lantern supplied. Superman actually looked up only to look down again when another text came in.

_He shouldn't have tested Red Robin's authority. Superboy tried to warn him._

_ Do you have the Titans bugged too?_

_ No, Red Robin found them all._

Superman rolled his eyes. It was moments like these that he felt bad for the Bat-Kids.

"I don't think this Young Justice team is going to stay still for long," Flash was saying. "And who can blame them? Being stuck in an alternate dimension sucks."

_Not according to Artemis_.

_Likes it does she?_

_ Yes, she may not leave._

Superman was surprised at that. He had met the Young Justice of course. In fact, he had been the one to escort them out of Gotham and to the boat the Titans were staying in a few weeks ago. His eyebrows were somewhere near his hairline. Wonder Woman was looking at him with an incredulous expression. Flash was rolling his eyes. J'onn was ignoring him entirely. Green Lantern and Aquaman were too engrossed in their conversation.

_Do you plan on coming to a meeting anytime soon?_

_ Not really. Nothing worth leaving the house for._

_Are you being a shut in again?_

_ Yes._

Superman sighed. Batman being a shut in was usually bad news. Not because it spoke of something about his current state of mind but because eventually he would get bored. And a bored Batman was almost always a spying Batman. The last time Batman had refused to leave the house, he had tapped into Clark's office computer and proceeded to rewrite an entire week's worth of articles. Clark had even won an award for one of those articles which had been thoroughly obnoxious.

He had been forced to wait until an alien invasion to get it to stop the last time. He wasn't sure he could wait that long this time.

_Stay out of my computers_.

_No promises._

"Superman, care to comment?" Green Lantern asked and by the look on his face he didn't expect an answer. Mostly because he knew Superman wasn't paying attention.

"No thank you," he replied.

Eventually, the meeting ended. They had been unable to come up with an idea of what to do with the dimension travellers currently being stashed away with the Titans but they hadn't really been trying either. They'd come up with something when it became necessary. At the moment, he was more concerned with what Batman was doing on his computer.

00000

Trying to ignore his buzzing cell phone was proving to be an impossibility. If Clark had thought getting to Smallville would keep the Batman from hassling him he was wrong. And it was really difficult to give a talk to Smallville High School students about their futures when your phone was constantly buzzing with snarky comments. Finally, when he sat down and passed the microphone to the other speaker he was able to answer. It was extremely rude but he would explain to the glaring principal afterwards.

_Stop._

_You're the one who insisted on going through with this talk. I'm just giving an honest review._

_ Don't you have something to do._

_ No. _

_ Find something to do._

_ I have. _

_ Other than bothering me._

Bruce didn't reply. Probably had to talk to his shareholders about something. Bruce was clearly bored with his life. Wonder Woman had reported that she had found a box of chocolates in her locked hotel room in London. Flash said he was getting messages on his computer and Superboy had called to ask why Batman was stalking Red Robin. And then Red Robin had called to ask if he would speak with Batman because he was freaking out his team.

Now was as good a time as any.

_Are you stalking your own kid?_

_ Did Tim tell you that?_

_ No, Connor did._

Bruce didn't respond for another few minutes. He was probably trying to phrase it right in his head. The last thing they needed was to slip up on their personal mobiles and compromise their identities.

_Tim's used to it_.

Clark rolled his eyes and the principal cleared his throat trying to politely tell him to put his phone away. Clark leaned over to whisper to him.

"Family emergency," he whispered. "I'm afraid my cousin went off his meds."

The man's eyes widened scandalously and Clark felt a deep seated pleasure in calling Bruce insane. Most people thought it was true anyway.

_I don't take medication_.

_Are you here?_

It wouldn't surprise Clark if Bruce wasn't brushing up on his disguise making skills and was currently sitting in the crowd looking like the janitor or the lunch lady.

_Of course not. Why would I want to be in Smallville?_

Clark tried not to feel insulted on behalf of his hometown. Bruce said things like this all the time without realizing he was being incredibly rude. Clark was of the opinion that Bruce was actually a very socially awkward person but well trained enough to know how to be pleasant. However, when he was with people that didn't require pretense from him he reverted back to his honest state.

_Did you bug my phone again?_

There was no answer to that which Clark took to mean a yes. This wasn't the first time Clark had caught him listening into conversations he had no business listening to. Bruce said he did it to keep his skills sharp. Clark said he did it because he was nosy.

00000

"You have to do something about him."

Superman looked up from his monitor duty to find a clearly annoyed Nightwing in the doorway.

"Isn't that usually your job?" he asked. It didn't take a genius to know that Nightwing was talking about Batman. It wasn't often that the younger man came to Superman for help especially when it concerned Batman. Nightwing was almost always perfectly capable of handling that job himself.

"Red Robin is refusing to come back to Gotham until he's stopped acting crazy. Alfred says he just sits in the cave night and day hacking into people's computers and texting you."

"Seriously?" Superman asked. "That's all he does?"

"Yes," Nightwing whined. Superman hadn't heard a tone like that from him since he was a twelve year old little boy. "For the love of god, get him out of the cave."

"What makes you think _I_ can get him to leave?"

"You're his friend. You're like the only friend he has. Please?"

Nightwing looked desperate. So desperate that Superman picked up his hero contact cell phone and sent off a text message.

_Did you hear all of that?_

_Yes. He's overreacting. _

_Are you sure?_

_Yes._

"He says you're overreacting," Superman said. Nightwing rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air.

"He has to get out of the cave," Nightwing said. If Superman hadn't known him as well as he did he would have gone so far to say that the young man sounded near tears. "We can't live like this anymore."

_He's being dramatic. He does this every now and then._

Superman thought it was incredibly ironic that he didn't see the correlation between Nightwing's moments of hysteria and Batman's moments of insanity. He almost laughed.

"I'll talk to him," Superman finally said, worried about what was happening to Nightwing. "I promise."

"Thank you," he breathed and turned to leave the Watchtower. Superman didn't ask where he was going. He assumed it was somewhere with no computers where he could be away from Batman's constant crazy presence.

He expected the cell phone to buzz with some sort of text message but it didn't happen by the end of his shift. Superman went home and by the end of the night he still hadn't received anything on any of his phones or computers. He was hoping that someone had finally distracted the Batman long enough to pull him away from his cave.

00000

He hadn't been distracted, just angry. The next day Superman had an encounter with a fuming Flash in the dining hall of the Watchtower.

"You're psychotic friend erased everything!" he shouted after spotting Superman enter. Everyone froze in surprise. It was rare to see someone blow up at Superman and even more rare for that person to be the Flash.

"Excuse me?" Superman asked as he and Wonder Woman came face to face with the man.

"Batman got into my home computer last night and erased everything!" Flash told him. "Even the operating system is gone! My taxes, documents, everything is gone!"

"Why would he do that to you?" Wonder Woman asked, just as shocked as everyone else. Batman might be snarky and unapproachable but they had never known him to be malicious.

"Because I wouldn't acknowledge any of his messages!" Flash seethed. Superman resisted the urge to say, 'Been there, done that'. It wouldn't go over well at this point. He had made the mistake of ignoring a bored and brooding Batman once before. It hadn't been pretty.

"Alright," Superman said and dug into his armour for his phone. "Let me talk to him. He most likely downloaded everything of your's onto his own drives. I'll get him to put it all back."

"Thank you," Flash snapped, sincerely thankful for Superman's help but still too angry to be nice about it. He crossed his arms and scowled as Superman had a quick conversation with the Bat.

_Put it all back._

_?_

_You know what. Put it all back._

_No._

_Why not?_

Batman didn't respond. Superman didn't expect him to.

"Can you give me some time?" he asked Flash.

"Yes," he said. "But I need it all back."

"I know," Superman said, putting a hand on Flash's shoulder. "I just have to talk to him in person is all."

00000

"He isn't here," Alfred said from where he was dusting the main console in the cave.

"Where is he?" Superman asked, knowing without being told that Batman had left the second he'd known the alien was coming.

_Where are you?_

He sat in the man's chair-the best chair in the cave-and texted the missing 'hero' while Alfred did whatever it was that Alfred did. He didn't think it was necessary to dust the giant dinosaur but-hey-whatever Alfred wanted.

_Out._

_I need to talk to you. In person. Come home now._

_I'm busy._

_Get un-busy. _

_No._

"Dammit," Superman snapped. He was starting to get frustrated. There was only so much patience he could hold on to. "Alfred, what triggered it this time?"

"I am not sure," Alfred responded. "I believe it was something on one of his recent cases. He went radio silent for a few days and came back in this mood."

_What happened on that case?_

_None of your business. _

Superman looked at the computer console and wished he had the ability to get in. Only Batman knew how to get in. Well, maybe just him. Superman clicked over to his contacts and found Red Robin's number on the boat.

_Don't._

Superman ignored Batman's text and called.

"What?" the boy answered. There was an absurd amount of noise in the background. It sounded like video games.

"How do you get into the computer in the cave?" he asked.

"We each have our own logins with rotating passwords," Red Robin said. "But only Batman has the pass code that accesses the entire main frame. Whatever he's keeping from you won't be accessible with any code but his own."

Superman really appreciated Red Robin's ability to know exactly what someone wanted without having to be verbally clued in. It was no wonder that Bruce thought he would be a better detective than even him one day. One could even argue that it had already happened.

"Is it possible to hack in?" he asked, knowing the answer before Red Robin laughed in the phone.

"Yeah, right," he said. "Maybe if I had a couple of days and Bats wasn't listening in. Hey, could you ask him if he worked on that equation I sent him?"

"Sure," Superman shrugged. "What's the equation for?"

"To send these Young Justice people home. They're getting on my last nerve."

The kid hung up after that and Superman eyed his phone as text after text rolled in.

_Get out of my cave…stay off of my computer...I still have plenty of kryptonite...tell Red Robin I worked out his equation...Clark, get out of my cave._

_No,_ he texted back hoping that if he was stubborn enough he would be able to finally get a face to face. But Batman didn't answer and he was able to out-wait Superman who had to leave eight hours later to go to work.

00000

When Clark finally made it into the Daily Planet he was still anxiously looking at his cell phone-now his civilian one. There was no news coming from Gotham and Bruce seemed to have stopped his texting marathon for now. He felt like progress was being made. That was until the elevator door slid open on his floor and he came face to face with a very worried Tim Drake.

"Tim?" he question, curious as to what the boy was doing there.

"I tried to tell him this was a bad idea," Tim said. "Really I did. He just won't listen."

"What?" he asked, worried.

"He insisted that if the two of you _had_ to talk it was going to be here," the kid told him. "He said you started it. But at least he's out of the cave now so I'm going home." And with that he stepped around Clark and took the elevator down. Clark moved towards his desk completely aware that the fact that Bruce Wayne was at his desk was attracting attention from _everyone_. Even Perry was standing in the doorway to his office with one eyebrow up in questioning disbelief.

"What are you doing?" Clark asked when he finally got to his cubicle. Bruce was in his chair, reading his emails, and monitoring the Gotham City newsfeeds on the side.

"I was told I was being ridiculous and that you really wanted to talk," Bruce said sarcastically.

"Did Alfred tell you that?"

"Tim did when I gave him his equation back," Bruce told him. "I think he's really mad at me."

"Because you stalked him for a month."

"I wasn't stalking him," Bruce replied. "I was investigating him."

"Investigating?"

"Yes," Bruce said. "He's been getting into things I don't want him involved in. Sometimes he needs to remember that I know what he's doing."

"What was he getting into?" Clark asked, actually frightened. There was some bad things that Bruce _allowed_ the kids to get involved in. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what Tim was trying to pull behind Bruce's back.

"Doesn't matter," Bruce shrugged. "It's over with." Clark let it drop in favor of pushing for what he had been wanting to do for the last ten hours.

"You need to give him his stuff back," he said not bothering to mention any names, code or otherwise. Bruce would know exactly what he was talking about.

"I'll send it all back tonight," Bruce said and Clark was actually surprised that he was doing so this quickly. Then again, he wasn't one to be petty. At least not for very long.

"Is there a reason that Tim came all this way with you?" Clark asked, taking another turn in the conversation.

"To keep an eye on me," Bruce replied with another shrug. "He was concerned that I might know something else and he wanted to talk to me while I was seemingly distracted to figure out exactly how far I've gotten into his secrets."

"Do you know something else about him?" Clark asked, genuinely curious despite knowing that it was an all around bad idea to be curious about someone like Tim Drake.

"Of course," Bruce replied sardonically. "I know everything about that kid. Don't tell him that though. He'll just try to be sneakier about it all."

"You have a very healthy relationship with your children."

"You sound like Alfred."

"Alfred's a smart man."

"Has Dick talked to you lately?" Bruce asked. "He seems to be ignoring me."

"No. When do you think the dimension jumpers are going to be gone?"

If Bruce noticed, or cared, about the consistently jumping conversation he didn't feel the need to comment on it. He was probably used to it by now. There were a lot of things that Clark didn't want to talk to Bruce about and he was not skilled enough to subtly move the conversation away from the topic he didn't like.

"Soon," Bruce said.

That happened to be the exact moment that Tracy, the intern from the gossip column, made her move. She handed a cup of cold coffee to Clark as if she did it all the time and skillfully pounced on Bruce and his long absence from the Page Sixes of the world. By the time Clark had managed to get his cubicle back, Bruce and his playboy billionaire personality had left with a promise to give Tracy an exclusive about his actions from the coming up night.

The next day Clark saw that Bruce was back to doing to what he normally did-in every aspect of his life. And Flash was so relieved to have his computer files back that he took Superman out to dinner which attracted a lot of attention but was still worth it in the end.


End file.
